LIfe is hard. Love is easy?

I could sit here and write how hard it is to be a mom, a wife, a full time worker or how difficult it is to understand why the people we love suffer and make choices that hurt the people they love. But, I won't.  While I feel and ponder on those things, the reality is that while all aspects of life can be hard, or just hard work, I am grateful for love.
One of my favorite movies is "Dan in Real Life." In the movie his teenage daughter is adamant that she is deeply in love with her young boyfriend. Her young boyfriend tells her father (Steve Carrell) that "love isn't a feeling. It's an ability."
While this is attached to a more funny part of the film, I have always loved that adage. And the more I live and the more I love, the more true his statement is.
Love IS an ability.
I have stated a few times in my codependency blog how love and fear cannot exist together. Being a mother and a wife it's difficult to let fear go, especially when you're concerned for the well being and future of those you love. But, faith casts out fear. And with faith comes hope...and love.
How easy is it to love? Does it depend on the person you are with? Does it's ease hinge on the behavior of those you are around? Can love be unconditional?
Maybe I'm strange to be asking these questions. But my life has taken so many turns over the last 18 months, that I have found myself desperately seeking answers.
I haven't come to any certain conclusions...yet. But, I have realized that for me, loving is easy. Loving while experiencing pain and heartache is easy. That's why our hearts ache. Because of love, either coming or going. Loving while scared or angry...not so easy. But, that doesn't mean that the love isn't there. So what makes love unconditional? Acceptance? Gratitude? I think it's both of those things, but mostly I feel that unconditional love comes from 2 things: Love of our Savior, and forgiveness.
Love isn't questioned unless there is an act or a thought that provokes the question. Forgiveness of that act will bring the love center again, and whole. The only way to truly forgive, is through the atonement of our Savior...through His love, and our love and appreciation of and for Him.
The trick now is to acknowledge what I now know. To let go of fear and doubt. To embrace the atonement and forgive. It sounds easy. Just like love. But, it is work. And faith without that work is dead.
I am grateful for the knowledge I have of the Savior and His love for me. Even when I pull away from Him in fear, anger or despair, I know His love is unconditional, because I know He forgives me when I need Him to. He paid the ultimate price for my forgiveness!
With Him, though we may experience challenges, loving IS always easy.

Summer Daze

School is finally out for summer and the boys already have farmer tans from playing outside so much! I love that summertime brings such a keen desire for adventure and whim in my young lads!
I have been envious of my friends that I see out playing with their little ones...I am gone everyday for my internship from 8:30am to 5:00pm, and there seems to be no time left in the day, or energy for any of us to do much. But I'm grateful for these wonderful boys who do their work and enjoy their play and grow more intelligent and fun without even trying. I'm grateful for the time we DO get to spend together, and I hope to be more productive in that time with them as well.
I graduated from Skin Science Institute on May 17 and started my teaching internship on May 18. This wasn't much of a break, but recently discovered why I felt a "rush" to get it done:
Last week I was offered and accepted a full time teaching position at Skin Science Institute. I have been so ecstatic and honored to be given this opportunity! It means a more conducive schedule for my boys and a more stable income as well. This is a huge blessing for us right now and I'm so grateful for the way Heavenly Father continues to bless us, no matter how undeserving we may be.
I will be starting in my new position on July 13, just days after finishing up with this year's Jr. Miss program that I'm directing. It's a VERY stressful and busy time, but I'm finding great reward in all that I'm involved in!
I have been extremely blessed in my life, and feel grateful for the beauty of motherhood. I appreciate it all the more for the time I've been away this last year and hope to be able to fulfill my calling as a mother to the best of my ability regardless of life situations and struggles! I love these tender, yet strong boys who are quickly becoming young men. Here's to a busy, fun summer of growth and experience!

Pete's graduated and...wait for it....he has a job too!! :)

For the first time in about 15 months, I can honestly say that our lives are starting to relax and get back to our own kind of normal.

Pete graduated from WyoTech and moved back home on March 25! That was a happy day at our house!!
Pete was blessed to obtain 2 job offers in one day just a week after getting home! We feel so truly blessed!
He accepted  a job at Dimicron, where he has worked before. They were anxious to have his skills back! :) We will actually have health insurance for our family again for the first time in over a year. Yay!!
I am so grateful for Pete and his sacrificing so much for our family!

I am nearing the end of my schooling journey as well. In 3 short weeks, I will finally be a licensed Master Esthetician!!! I am so excited and have absolutely loved every aspect of esthetics! I can't wait to pamper family and friends from home too! ;)
I am also directing the local Distinguished Young Women program for Orem, Lindon and Pleasant Grove (formerly known as the Jr. Miss Program). I LOVE these wonderful girls and they are so talented! I started off working with the program as the talent specialist helping each of the girls with their different talents and all aspects of their performance. I was aksed last year to take over as director, which I thought I could handle ok...but then they sprung 2 additional cities on me! I have been a deer in head lights since Dec., but I have such an AMAZING committee, and things have been going so well! Our program is scheduled for July 9, 2011. I am praying that we get some great money for these girls to use for college! They deserve it!

Christian, who will be in 7th grade next school year, has chosen the trombone to play in band! He is determined to learn to play well...I am excited to hear him start his band practices in the summer.

Zach is finally 9! Somehow now that he's 9 he feels so much older. He is such a funny kid and is always spying on me with his SpyNet watch he got for his birthday. He will be going into the 3rd grade next year and thinks it's pretty cool that he's almost a year older than all his classmates.

Marchus LOVES hanging with his brothers. He is obsessed with money (funny experience post to follow soon), and he also loves snuggling with his mom still! He's my baby and it's been easier for me to let him grow up since he still lets me snuggle and love on him. :) He is excited to go to first grade and be at school "all day!"

We have been so extremely blessed the last few months, and I am so grateful for the light that is emurging from the end of the long tunnel we have been in for the last year.
Heavenly Father sent me 3 of the most courageous and wonderful boys in the universe!! They have seen and dealt with trials and hardships that they weren't expecting. And they've dealt with them with faith, love and forgiveness. They are wonderful examples to their mom!!
We have a long road ahead, and a lot still to learn. But I am so grateful for the progress we've all made individually, and as a family!

What comes next??? I'm excited to find out! :)

For A Special Man

Dedicated to my amazing and strong husband! I love you Pete! I won't let go...


It’s like a storm


That cuts a path

It’s breaks your will

It feels like that



You think your lost

But your not lost on your own

Your not alone

I will stand by you

I will help you through

When you’ve done all you can do

If you can’t cope

I will dry your eyes

I will fight your fight

I will hold you tight

And I wont let go



It hurts my heart

To see you cry

I know it’s dark

This part of life

Oh it finds us all

And we’re too small

To stop the rain

Oh but when it rains



I will stand by you

I will help you through

When you’ve done all you can do

And you can’t cope

I will dry your eyes

I will fight your fight

I will hold you tight



And I wont let you fall

Don’t be afraid to fall

I’m right here to catch you

I wont let you down

It wont get you down

Your gonna make it

Yea I know you can make it



Cause I will stand by you

I will help you through

When you’ve done all you can do

And you can’t cope

And I will dry your eyes

I will fight your fight

I will hold you tight

And I wont let go

Oh I’m gonna hold you

And I wont let go

Wont let you go

No I wont

I love...

I love being loved by you.
I love all the things you do.
I love how you smile,
I love how you laugh,
I love how you hold me tight.

I love looking into your eyes.
I love how each day I love you more.
I love how you care.
I love how you make me laugh at myself.
I love how you love my anyways.

I love that you still love me.
I love that you still choose me.
I love that we are still learning.
I love that you are patient with me.

I love that we are not perfect, but that we are perfect for each other.
I love that we knew we were in love the moment we met each other.
I love your amazing blue eyes.
I love your strong, loving hands.

I love that you're a great dad.
I love that you are committed to all of us.
I love that you sacrifice so much for us each day.
I love that you love me in spite of my flaws.

I love how you tell me you love me, in so many ways.
I love how you kiss me.
I love how you make me feel attractive, even on my worst days.
I love how you understand.

I love our time apart, because it's brought us closer.
I love that we're strong enough to endure the trials and tests of this life together.
I love that you are my twin soul.
I love that you are my best friend.

I love that we are moving forward.
I love that we are looking in the same direction.
I love that we are learning from our past.
I love that I get to love you and be married to you for eternity.

I love you Pete. All of you. With all my heart and soul. For eternity.