LIfe is hard. Love is easy?

I could sit here and write how hard it is to be a mom, a wife, a full time worker or how difficult it is to understand why the people we love suffer and make choices that hurt the people they love. But, I won't.  While I feel and ponder on those things, the reality is that while all aspects of life can be hard, or just hard work, I am grateful for love.
One of my favorite movies is "Dan in Real Life." In the movie his teenage daughter is adamant that she is deeply in love with her young boyfriend. Her young boyfriend tells her father (Steve Carrell) that "love isn't a feeling. It's an ability."
While this is attached to a more funny part of the film, I have always loved that adage. And the more I live and the more I love, the more true his statement is.
Love IS an ability.
I have stated a few times in my codependency blog how love and fear cannot exist together. Being a mother and a wife it's difficult to let fear go, especially when you're concerned for the well being and future of those you love. But, faith casts out fear. And with faith comes hope...and love.
How easy is it to love? Does it depend on the person you are with? Does it's ease hinge on the behavior of those you are around? Can love be unconditional?
Maybe I'm strange to be asking these questions. But my life has taken so many turns over the last 18 months, that I have found myself desperately seeking answers.
I haven't come to any certain conclusions...yet. But, I have realized that for me, loving is easy. Loving while experiencing pain and heartache is easy. That's why our hearts ache. Because of love, either coming or going. Loving while scared or angry...not so easy. But, that doesn't mean that the love isn't there. So what makes love unconditional? Acceptance? Gratitude? I think it's both of those things, but mostly I feel that unconditional love comes from 2 things: Love of our Savior, and forgiveness.
Love isn't questioned unless there is an act or a thought that provokes the question. Forgiveness of that act will bring the love center again, and whole. The only way to truly forgive, is through the atonement of our Savior...through His love, and our love and appreciation of and for Him.
The trick now is to acknowledge what I now know. To let go of fear and doubt. To embrace the atonement and forgive. It sounds easy. Just like love. But, it is work. And faith without that work is dead.
I am grateful for the knowledge I have of the Savior and His love for me. Even when I pull away from Him in fear, anger or despair, I know His love is unconditional, because I know He forgives me when I need Him to. He paid the ultimate price for my forgiveness!
With Him, though we may experience challenges, loving IS always easy.

Summer Daze

School is finally out for summer and the boys already have farmer tans from playing outside so much! I love that summertime brings such a keen desire for adventure and whim in my young lads!
I have been envious of my friends that I see out playing with their little ones...I am gone everyday for my internship from 8:30am to 5:00pm, and there seems to be no time left in the day, or energy for any of us to do much. But I'm grateful for these wonderful boys who do their work and enjoy their play and grow more intelligent and fun without even trying. I'm grateful for the time we DO get to spend together, and I hope to be more productive in that time with them as well.
I graduated from Skin Science Institute on May 17 and started my teaching internship on May 18. This wasn't much of a break, but recently discovered why I felt a "rush" to get it done:
Last week I was offered and accepted a full time teaching position at Skin Science Institute. I have been so ecstatic and honored to be given this opportunity! It means a more conducive schedule for my boys and a more stable income as well. This is a huge blessing for us right now and I'm so grateful for the way Heavenly Father continues to bless us, no matter how undeserving we may be.
I will be starting in my new position on July 13, just days after finishing up with this year's Jr. Miss program that I'm directing. It's a VERY stressful and busy time, but I'm finding great reward in all that I'm involved in!
I have been extremely blessed in my life, and feel grateful for the beauty of motherhood. I appreciate it all the more for the time I've been away this last year and hope to be able to fulfill my calling as a mother to the best of my ability regardless of life situations and struggles! I love these tender, yet strong boys who are quickly becoming young men. Here's to a busy, fun summer of growth and experience!

Pete's graduated and...wait for it....he has a job too!! :)

For the first time in about 15 months, I can honestly say that our lives are starting to relax and get back to our own kind of normal.

Pete graduated from WyoTech and moved back home on March 25! That was a happy day at our house!!
Pete was blessed to obtain 2 job offers in one day just a week after getting home! We feel so truly blessed!
He accepted  a job at Dimicron, where he has worked before. They were anxious to have his skills back! :) We will actually have health insurance for our family again for the first time in over a year. Yay!!
I am so grateful for Pete and his sacrificing so much for our family!

I am nearing the end of my schooling journey as well. In 3 short weeks, I will finally be a licensed Master Esthetician!!! I am so excited and have absolutely loved every aspect of esthetics! I can't wait to pamper family and friends from home too! ;)
I am also directing the local Distinguished Young Women program for Orem, Lindon and Pleasant Grove (formerly known as the Jr. Miss Program). I LOVE these wonderful girls and they are so talented! I started off working with the program as the talent specialist helping each of the girls with their different talents and all aspects of their performance. I was aksed last year to take over as director, which I thought I could handle ok...but then they sprung 2 additional cities on me! I have been a deer in head lights since Dec., but I have such an AMAZING committee, and things have been going so well! Our program is scheduled for July 9, 2011. I am praying that we get some great money for these girls to use for college! They deserve it!

Christian, who will be in 7th grade next school year, has chosen the trombone to play in band! He is determined to learn to play well...I am excited to hear him start his band practices in the summer.

Zach is finally 9! Somehow now that he's 9 he feels so much older. He is such a funny kid and is always spying on me with his SpyNet watch he got for his birthday. He will be going into the 3rd grade next year and thinks it's pretty cool that he's almost a year older than all his classmates.

Marchus LOVES hanging with his brothers. He is obsessed with money (funny experience post to follow soon), and he also loves snuggling with his mom still! He's my baby and it's been easier for me to let him grow up since he still lets me snuggle and love on him. :) He is excited to go to first grade and be at school "all day!"

We have been so extremely blessed the last few months, and I am so grateful for the light that is emurging from the end of the long tunnel we have been in for the last year.
Heavenly Father sent me 3 of the most courageous and wonderful boys in the universe!! They have seen and dealt with trials and hardships that they weren't expecting. And they've dealt with them with faith, love and forgiveness. They are wonderful examples to their mom!!
We have a long road ahead, and a lot still to learn. But I am so grateful for the progress we've all made individually, and as a family!

What comes next??? I'm excited to find out! :)

For A Special Man

Dedicated to my amazing and strong husband! I love you Pete! I won't let go...


It’s like a storm


That cuts a path

It’s breaks your will

It feels like that



You think your lost

But your not lost on your own

Your not alone

I will stand by you

I will help you through

When you’ve done all you can do

If you can’t cope

I will dry your eyes

I will fight your fight

I will hold you tight

And I wont let go



It hurts my heart

To see you cry

I know it’s dark

This part of life

Oh it finds us all

And we’re too small

To stop the rain

Oh but when it rains



I will stand by you

I will help you through

When you’ve done all you can do

And you can’t cope

I will dry your eyes

I will fight your fight

I will hold you tight



And I wont let you fall

Don’t be afraid to fall

I’m right here to catch you

I wont let you down

It wont get you down

Your gonna make it

Yea I know you can make it



Cause I will stand by you

I will help you through

When you’ve done all you can do

And you can’t cope

And I will dry your eyes

I will fight your fight

I will hold you tight

And I wont let go

Oh I’m gonna hold you

And I wont let go

Wont let you go

No I wont

I love...

I love being loved by you.
I love all the things you do.
I love how you smile,
I love how you laugh,
I love how you hold me tight.

I love looking into your eyes.
I love how each day I love you more.
I love how you care.
I love how you make me laugh at myself.
I love how you love my anyways.

I love that you still love me.
I love that you still choose me.
I love that we are still learning.
I love that you are patient with me.

I love that we are not perfect, but that we are perfect for each other.
I love that we knew we were in love the moment we met each other.
I love your amazing blue eyes.
I love your strong, loving hands.

I love that you're a great dad.
I love that you are committed to all of us.
I love that you sacrifice so much for us each day.
I love that you love me in spite of my flaws.

I love how you tell me you love me, in so many ways.
I love how you kiss me.
I love how you make me feel attractive, even on my worst days.
I love how you understand.

I love our time apart, because it's brought us closer.
I love that we're strong enough to endure the trials and tests of this life together.
I love that you are my twin soul.
I love that you are my best friend.

I love that we are moving forward.
I love that we are looking in the same direction.
I love that we are learning from our past.
I love that I get to love you and be married to you for eternity.

I love you Pete. All of you. With all my heart and soul. For eternity.

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year

As is tradition, here is our "Private Eyes" style Christmas poem!

With Christmas lights
and fires aglow,
With mistletoe
And falling snow,
We recognize the time is near
The ending of another year.
And as I sit to contemplate
The happenings of this year,
The fact that we've been richly blessed
Is really very apparent.

The start of the year
We were dull and downhearted.
So we'll skip a few months
To when my schooling started.
In March I did go
To Skin Science to learn
To be an Esthetician
My Masters License I'll attain.

It's now been 8 months
And I'm loving it still.
The teachers and students
Have made it a thrill!
I'll graduate next May
And a party I'll throw
For I'll get to start working
And finally earn us some money.

Peter decided,
But not on a whim,
That he too craved some schooling
For our income was slim.
After prayer and discussion
The decision was made:
Pete would move to Wyoming
To learn a new skill.

He's attending at WyoTech
A Mechanic he'll be
With a specialization
In trim and upholstery.
We miss him so much
So we're glad that he'll be
Graduating in March
And more of him we will behold.

Christian turned twelve
On the first of December.
When he was a baby
I still fondly remember.
He was ordained a Deacon,
And received the Priesthood.
Goes to young men and scouts
And he loves to do great.

Zachary Vaughn
Was baptized last May
After turning 8 years old
On April Fools day.
He plays the piano
And he's a great cub scout.
He creative and funny,
Of that there's never been disbelief.

Marchus, our baby
Is not a baby at all!
He turns 6 next month
And for his age is VERY tall.
He loves playing video games
Or building Lego's with his brothers.
He even still chooses
To snuggle up with his mom.

Grandma is here too,
And probably wishing she's not.
She's been doing so much
I'm sure she feels like a robot.
She makes schooling possible
So I can finish fast.
And watching my boys
Is not always a ton of fun.
So thank you, dear mother
For all that you do!
What I'd do without you
I haven't an idea!

So there's where we're at
And there's much more to come.
Just wait till December
Of two-zero-one-one.
May your Christmas be Merry
And your New Years be bright.
And may we all remember
That 'O Holy Night,'
When Christ was born
To save us all,
And His humble beginnings
In a small stable stall.

He is the reason, for the season!

Love to all our family and friends!

A Grateful Heart

This last weekend has been so challenging for me, and at the same time, I'm fully aware that it could have been worse. Much worse. So, I first need to express my gratitude that Pete is still alive, and that Marchus doesn't have serious head, neck or spinal injuries! I know we were blessed as a family!

Peter was traveling home in bad weather and hydroplaned off the road going 80 mph. Luckily he didn't hit anything, or anyone, and finally came to a stop in the median of the highway. Amazingly, he suffered only some minor whip lash.

Fifteen minutes before Pete's accident, Marchus had a horrible collision with Christian on a trampoline. Marchus crawled underneath it while Christian was jumping. He sat up (who knows why) and Christian came down full force onto Marchus' head. He was disoriented, had a hard time walking, and was bleeding badly from the mouth. When all was said and done, he had no neck or spinal injuries, which surprised even the doctor, given the amount of weight and force that was involved. He has some tissue bruising and soreness, but that's all!

I am one grateful wife and mother today!

It's horrible how it often takes experiences like this to reawaken your heart and soul to gratitude for those you love! Life really is fragile...I've been through enough in my life already to be able to comprehend that to a large degree. But I'm reminded that we are not invincible.

In our primary program this morning, I sat with a very thankful heart, because I have such amazing, wonderful, strong boys! Christian bore his testimony and publicly thanked his dad for going to school for our family in our hard times. It was very touching! He is an amazing young man, who has taken on a lot for someone his age. He turns 12 in Dec. and it hardly seems real that time has gone by so quickly.

So...my goal is to now recognize the small happy moments each day that are so easily taken for granted. To not see them as just another day, another load of laundry, another day to be lonely for Pete, another day to do homework, to clean up.
I will do my best to see each day as a new opportunity to show love for my family, to be grateful for the blessings in my life, and to be happy regardless of my circumstances...or how lonely I may be for my sweetheart. :)

I am so blessed to have the opportunity to be sealed to such a wonderful man, and to my awesome kids! That in itself should be cause for enough happiness each day to never complain!

The Things Kids Say

I've never been very good at writing down all the funny little things my kids say. I will laugh about it for days, then it leaves my mind and I forget. All I know is, my kids say the funniest things!
Recently Marchus has been coming up with so many funny things I can't keep up.
I'm hoping that by writing some of them here, I won't forget them so easily!

Last week, we were driving in the car and this was what he asked:
Marchus: "Mom, you know that place called the middle of nowhere? Where is that?"
Me: "Uh...there are are lots of places that are called the middle of nowhere. It's what we call a place if it's very far away from other places."
Marchus: "Oh. Well, you know that place called the middle of nowhere? Is there a temple there?"
Me: laughing..."nope."

Over the last week or so, we will be outside or in the car (again) and he will ask me these questions:
"Hey mom, does Heavenly Father live on that cloud?"
"Mom, where is heaven at? Could we go on vacation there?"
"Mom, does Heavenly Father like to go swimming too?"
He must think I'm dumb half the time because I sit there with a smile on my face, but don't know exactly how to answer him....he's so fun!

Lastly, and the most hysterical by far this week, was when he was snuggling with me in bed one morning. He leaned up and cocked his head at me, with a funny expression on his face. Then, he pointed to my chest and said, "why do you sleep with those things on every night?"

I love the things kids say...it keeps me laughing, thinking, and on my toes, DAILY!

Looking back...Looking forward

I've decided that it's really easy to get so focused on where we're going and what needs to be done, that weforget to turn around and see what we've accomplished, what's happened, and how far we really have come.
I have recently started going through pictures-trying to organize and scan them. It was amazing to me how much my life has altered and changed throughout the last 13 years!
Even though it seems like only a couple of years ago that I got married, it has been 12! How does that happen?
My perspective has become twinged with age and I am starting to realize what my older siblings and friends have been telling me for years: It will be over before you know it!
I'm panicking!! I don't want it all to go by this fast! I'm not ready for a pre-teen already! I want time to stop. I want to hold on tighter to the memories that I have of my life!
I'm realizing how blessed I am that I have been able to share 13 years of my life with such a wonderful man! There are so many days I wish I could go back and re-write some of our history, but only so that they would be better for him. Less selfishness, more gratitude. Less arguing, more love making. Fewer tears, more laughter. Less fear, more trust. But that's the hard thing about the past-as wonderful as it is to look back at it. There are all those things you want to change. But, really, through the happiness and sorrow, I have learned so very much, and loved so much more because of the things I would "change," and I don't know if I would really change them at all?
Looking back or looking forward, I know that I am right where I am meant to be in this life!
I am so immensely grateful for all that I have. And all that is to come!
"Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That's why it's called the present."
I can't stop time. I can't erase the past. I can't even image what's in store for my future. But as long as I have my family with me, and we can be grateful for and enjoy each day as it's given to us, then I will be able to leave this mortal life in peaceful bliss, looking back with no regrets, and looking forward to eternity!

So long. Farewell.

My, how things can change so very quickly!

Over the last 2 weeks it's been decided that Pete will be going back to school. Not just to ANY school, but to WYOTECH.  He's been dreaming of attending this school for a VERY long time.  I am excited for him that he is going to finally be doing something for himself, that will ultimately be great for our whole family. The only hard thing is that he will be moving away for the 9 months he'll be in school. He will be moving to Laramie, WY, where the school is located. Hopefully, he'll be able to come home a couple of weekends a month. We are all going to miss him a LOT!

So, I will continue to go to school, be a mom and try to keep us all alive and sane for the next year. Pete will graduate just before me. Crazy...

I love you Pete!! We will miss you and pray for you everyday! Thanks for being such an amazing husband and father! :)

Almost summer already?

This next week is the last week of school for my boys.
Crap.
How did this happen so fast? Wasn't it just Christmas like a month ago?
Time is flying by so fast and I am constantly chasing after it, trying to catch it. It's always been too fast for me though. That sneaky time...
Anyway, I'm actually excited for the 3 month break from their homework and activities. I just wish I had the same break with them.
I don't get out of school for any kind of summer vacation, so I will have to cleverly come up with some kind of bribery scheme to keep the boys out of trouble and me from committing myself to an institution.

I have to say how proud I am of my boys! They have handled my schooling experience extremely well.
I wasn't sure what exactly would happen when I started, but they have been very sweet and supportive and understanding.  I think they secretly enjoy seeing their mom doing "homework" and studying for tests. I can just see them in their rooms snickering to each other..."tee hehe. Now mom has to do homework too. Now she knows how if feels. We should go tell her she can't play or go anywhere until it's all finished....teehehe."

Honestly, I have never loved learning more. I absolutely adore my instructors and the other girls at the school. I am constantly fascinated by the things we are learning and doing. It is hard work, but it is rewarding. For Pete too. He gets a neck, shoulder and decollete massage almost every night...poor guy.

I am hoping that this summer will hold less stress than the last year has held for us all. I am hopeful, too, that my boys will enjoy a bit of independence and responsibility while I'm at school and that we can have a great time when I get home each day....my fingers are crossed.

Deep breath. Here goes!

12 Years Together

Today was an amazing day!!
Zachary was baptized and confirmed a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. It was beautiful, and I was once again reminded of the simple, yet beautiful principles of the Gospel that bring our families together for eternity!
I am so proud of you Zach! You are such an amazing boy with an amazing heart and spirit! I know you will continue to stive to live the gospel and make righteous decisions. You are a peacemaker and always want to lift others and make them laugh! We love YOUR laugh!

Today is also mine and Pete's 12th anniversary!
CRAZY!
It doesn't seem like it's been that long, and yet, we have been through so much and have so much to do still, that I hope that there will be many, many more years together to grow in love, friendship, understanding, respect and faith!
I love you Peter! I am forever grateful for the wonderful ways you have blessed my life over the last 12 years! You have taught me to reach higher and expect great things from myself. You have demonstrated courage and strength and taught me humility. You have never given up on me...and I will never give up on you. Don't give up on yourself! You are worth more than you know. I am happy and priveleged to be your wife and to have the opportunity continue through this life learning and growing with you. Thank you for your forgiveness of my faults, mistakes, short-comings and failings. I love you so very much!
Happy Anniversary!

Chicken This and Chicken That

The week before Easter, I was in my room getting ready for a night out when I heard the excited voices of my children in the living room. It didn't take Christian long to get to my room and let me know what was going on...

Evidently my father-in-law-with the permission of my husband-decided to buy us 6 baby chicks. At first glance these chicks were sooooo adorable. Fluffy, cute, everything you see in the Cadbury Bunny commercials.

It's now been 3 weeks, and my house smells like a farm! We have to keep them inside until they are old enough to go outside (and Heaven knows where they'll be outside when the time comes). They are growing bigger everyday and getting their feathers.

Aside from the smell, it has been amazing to see how caring and sweet the boys have been with the little chickies! They kneel by their box and gently pet them and talk to them. They love to help Pete clean their box each day (notice how I said "Pete," cause I will have nothing to do with their poop)!!

I am grateful for the learning experiences that my boys have had, and will have with these little animals. We have let them know that they will be responsible for their pen, and for collecting their eggs daily! Ummm...anyone want some eggs??? :)

Speaking of "chickens," yesterday evening, while visiting Pete's parents in Mapleton, I noticed little red bumps on Marchus' cheek....yep, you guessed it: CHICKEN POX!!

I had him lift up his shirt and sure enough, there were more little dots forming everywhere, and getting worse by the hour. This was not the Spring Break we had in mind, but I'm a little relieved that the boys will all have it and be done with it!

The Gift of Just Today

I have spent this whole week off of school for spring break. The boys are still in school though, so it's kinda been a bummer that we couldn't all play all week. But, I've spent extra time working on homework and Pete's been pampered with scalp massages (which I LOVE giving) and cleansing facials. I even waxed Pete  this week. So, it hasn't been entirely unproductive! :)
We got family pictures taken last Sunday out at Utah Lake. Jeanne did our photos again (she's amazing)! Her link is at the side of the page here, so check her out for sure if you need pics for anything! She does it all!
While we were at the lake, I was watching my family (trying to contain the boys from jumping into the water...or falling in) and I realized how truly fast life is flying by! They aren't really little boys anymore. :( Not only that, I realized that I have been taking every day that I have with my hubby and my kids for granted.
I get so caught up in the quick pace of life that I forget to stop and really enjoy each moment I have with my family!
One thing I was told recently was that "all pain has purpose." It may not be something that is easy to hear or understand while we are experiencing pain, but it is the truth!
I know we all experience different trials and "pains" in this life, but one thing that I have learned from my own pain, is that, if we choose to let it, it will actually bring us closer to those we love and help us sort out our priorities. It can bring us closer to our Heavenly Father and our remembering who we truly are and always have been!
So, I am feeling very grateful and blessed to be able to experience the pain and struggles that I have in the last two years. It truly has opened my eyes to what is most important and what and who I am and want to be!
I am an extremely lucky woman to be married to such a wonderful man! He is so patient with me and my many weaknesses. He still loves me, which amazes me, and I am blessed to be his wife!
I am beginning to really revel in and enjoy being a mom. Sad huh, that it's taken me this long...:) I finally understand that loving them is the best thing I could do and I can let go of the rest! I can let go of the expectations I used to have on myself, and on them, and just enjoy everyday with them. They will only be here with me for so long, until they leave and start to experience the many wonderful and many hard things that accompany this life as we mature.
So...I've rambled, but I really wanted to write my thoughts today!
Hopefully I will have new family pics to post soon. For now, here are a few pics we took over the last few months.
"Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift...that's why we call it the present."

Full Speed Ahead

Holy smokes! I can't believe this week has finally arrived. I am really excited!
I wish I could adequately explain how blessed I am to be able to be on the path that I am right now in my life...but I honestly can't find the words. All I know is, that my Heavenly Father is blessing me and my family so very much right now.
Things have been tough...well, that's putting it lightly, I guess. There has been so much peace and comfort, even though we don't know where any money will come from to pay bills. That sounds crazy, but it's true.
I know that we will be blessed, as we have been in so many wonderful ways.  Prayers are answered. Even my prayers. Even though I'm not perfect. I am beginning to truly understand who I am.
I love Sherri Dew. She is such an incredibly well versed and solid individual. I was recently given a copy of a talk that she gave at a BYU Women's conference a while back.
I wanted to directly quote her, but I don't have the articel right in front of me. But, it was so powerfully given, and you couldn't help but feel the truth of her words while reading it.
She talked about how we were faithful women in the pre-existence and the significance of that fact.
She also brings to attention, how when we truly know who we are, and what we stand for, and where we are going, that it will change us significantly; that we will handle every situation differently.
She says, we are "daughters of a King."
I actually sat back and thought, "now, what girl- in her childhood at least- did not pretend or want to be a princess?" Is that why little girls somehow seem to identify with royalty from a young age? Because, we are royal. Divinely royal? Not in a sense of wealth or vanity. But in a sense of humbly knowing who our Father is, and where we come from.  How does that not change the way you look at yourself? It does for me.
I am so grateful that my Father in Heaven knows what I need, and is taking care of me, as I seek His will in my life.
I know going back to school isn't for eveyone. And some might argue that it's not right when there are still kids at home. I can honestly say, that I know that my Heavenly Father is 100% behind me on this decision. For me, in my life, in my circumstances, I know this is where and what I need to be doing for my family. Not just myself. And that, is a great feeling!
So, here's to my first week at school!
Full speed ahead...:)

Life Happens!

Ok, so I've put off writing on our blog for several reasons, but mostly just because my life came after me at warp speed and I've been trying to play catch up!



I am most excited to write that I finally start school next Tuesday!! I feel like I'm in first grade again,only I'm going to have to leave home for the day without my kids and I'm scared I won't know the answers to the questions my teachers ask me.

I really am mostly excited, just a little nervous. I have wanted to be involved in this industry for so long, so I am ready to learn.

Peter is so encouraging and supportive, as is the rest of my family! I am very grateful for that!

So...the summer is coming up...there's no reason for any of you to be walking around without cute toes or fingers anymore. NO shaving allowed either. I am here for you! :)

I will keep everyone updated on what I am learning and then you can choose to come be a guinea pig, if you like!

A quick update on Pete:

Pete is still on the look out for a job, but remains extremely positive and upbeat considering the stress he is under. We are learning to take life "one day at a time" together, and we're experiencing a lot of growth as a couple!

(check out my new blog, coming soon, www.conqueringcodependence.blogspot.com)

The boys are doing awesome! Christian is excited to possibly be spending a month in AZ with his grandma Gibbons this summer. Zach is turning 8 in less than a month and is excited to be getting baptized. And, Marchus will be finishing up pre-k here in a couple months and be moving onto the "real" school, as he calls it (no offense at all to Mrs. Young, his pre-k teacher, who is amazing) in Sept.!
I am blessed with super strong boys, emotionally and mentally! They have seen a lot and put up with a lot over the years and I hope they will continue to climb with us, as a family, out of the fog. I am the luckiest mom on the planet!!

My Valentine

Through the darkness

I can see your light

And you will always shine

And I can feel your heart in mine

Your face I've memorized

I've idolized just you

I look up to everything you are

In my eyes you do no wrong

I've loved you for so long

And after all is said and done

You're still you

After all, you're still you

You walk past me I can feel your pain

Time changes everything

One truth always stays the same

You're still you

After all, you're still you

I look up to everything you are

In my eyes you do no wrong

And I believe in you

Although you never asked me to

I will remember you and what life put you through

And in this cruel and lonely world

I've found one love

You're still you

After all, you're still you

Merry Christmas!

I know, I know...a blog is a cop-out way of getting Christmas cards out. But I do have a good excuse this year, I just haven't thought of what it is yet. :)
In following tradition, our Christmas letter is written in homage to the poetic styling of "Private Eyes." And, once again, for those of you who haven't seen this movie, this poem will seem confusing and, well...lame. But thanks for reading it anyway! Here goes:

I'm looking back over 2009
and trying to remember
what I did with my time.
How could it be
The year flew by so fast?
It seems each year moves
More quickly into the anterior.

Here is an update
of each family member.
Growing and learning
From Jan. to Dec.
I'll start off with Christian,
He's 11 and bright.
He loves the 5th grade,
and he does what is correct.

He swims on the white team
with the OTAC.
A geologist or scientist
he hopes someday to be.
He plays the piano
and is a wonderful scout.
He'll pass me up in height soon,
of that there's no question.

Now onto Zach,
The poor middle child.
He puts up with brothers
so crazy and wild!
He's also a swimmer,
and is fantastic at art!
Hearing loss or not,
this kids VERY intelligent!

He turns 8 next April,
and will be baptized as well.
He'll be a cub scout
which he thinks is so swell.
He's such a great kid
with a fun sense of humor.
Also, a ladies man,
so says the latest gossip.

As for our Marchus,
the youngest "big" boy.
He is so super funny,
and brings so much joy.
He turns 5 in Jan.
and is loving pre-school.
He still snuggles with me,
which I find really awesome!

He loves his big brothers
and thinks they're the best
When they get home from school,
he lets them have no rest.
He's loving and helpful,
He's tender and sweet.
Being his mommy is a wonderful experience!

Let's move on to Pete,
My awesome, big hubby.
Who tells me I'm beautiful
Even when I feel chubby.
He still works at Zyto,
Filming and editing his tasks.
He caters still too,
whenever anyone inquires.

His cooking is amazing,
and so is his wife,
What more could he ask for
in all of his life?
He takes on each day
determined and true.
Though his trials are many
I know he'll get past them.


As for me, well, what's new?
I don't know what to say.
My job as a mommy
takes all of my day.
I started a book club
because I love reading.
we meet every month
for a discussion and chow.

Teaching voice lessons
is rewarding and fun.
My students are awesome,
I love them a ton!
My favoritest thing
In the world though, is this:
Being a wife and a mom to great boys,
such is felicity.

We've been through a lot,

this year has been rough.

But, looking back now,

it's what's made us tough.

I'm grateful for hard times,

that pull us together.

That help shift our focus,

from now to eternity!

We love all of you,
our loved ones so dear.
May you find peace
in a coming new year.
God bless, and best wishes,
and a Merry Christmas too.
May your troubles be small,
and worries be infrequent!

Merry Christmas!
Love,
The Cook Family

A weekend of Firsts!!

Last Friday and Saturday (Oct. 16 &17) Christian had the opportunity to swim in his first swim meet!! It started at 4pm and, being new to the swimming world, we had no idea that the fact he was swimming in the 24th event meant we had to wait through all 23 events before his. So, after sitting there for a couple hours we decided to go eat and come back. We made it back just in time for him to swim...at 7:40pm. It was a long night for him, but he did great! He swam the 50 yard backstroke in 1:48.

Saturday morning, Christian swam the 50 yard freestyle in 1:21:09. We are so happy for him and proud of his hard work and determination. He gets a little bummed that he's not as fast as most the other kids, but he has a great attitude and he never lets it get him down!! He is such a remarkable young man who is caring and tender to all he meets! I am so lucky to be his mom!! I love you Christian!

Also, we got to pick up Brittani from her foster home in Orem and take her with us to the meet. It was our first time having her with us as a family outside of an ARTEC visit. Brittani got to stay with us over night on Saturday! We had a great time getting to know her better!! She is very sweet and helpful with the boys. She is a beautiful girl with a fun personality! I am in awe of all she is going through and yet she does her best continue to improve herself and communicate openly! We are hopeful that she will be transitioned into our home near or around Thanksgiving time.

Halloween time is here....almost

Pumpkins, ghouls, ghosts and vampires...it's everywhere. Halloween is upon us...almost. :)
I don't know what happened, but in our several moves over the last few years, I have lost all but a few items from my Halloween decor collection. Somehow though, one Halloween item has managed to escape the black hole that exists when moving (I also assume most of my kids socks end up in the same place with these items). That item is a sign that says "A Real Witch Lives Here." I marvel at the irony here: That this sign is the one to have survived! :)
So...that is what is on my porch. Along with two stuffed pumpkins that say "Boo" and "Trick-or-Treat." My kids are feeling gypped! So, my goal is to figure out how to spook-ify my house before Halloween comes in a way as to satisfy their creepy craving.
Truth be told...Halloween is my least favorite holiday (if you can call it a holiday. Isn't the word "holiday" supposed to invoke a feeling of excitement and merriment?)!! I don't mind the dressing up, but walking around in the cold, dark of night so that my kids can accumulate a horrifying amount of candy, that ultimately gets eaten within 24 hours and causes such a dramatic sugar rush that I want to pull my hair out, leaves much to be desired for me!! Then, somehow, when all the candy seems to be gone, I start to find it hidden in the deep crevices that exist in my kids rooms!! In the underwear drawer, the bottom of the toy box and even inside SHOES!!
My other most FAVORITE part of Halloween, is getting to wait, and in all my hopeful anticipation, long to hear the doorbell ring again, and again, and again, and again.....and again, and again....and hear "Trick-or-treat" again, and again, and again....and again!!
Doesn't this go against what we've tried to teach our children? About strangers, candy FROM strangers, and begging for food??? This year, something makes me want to scare the expensive little costumes off the little beggars!! Make them jump out of their skin...Booooowwwwahahahaha! Oh NO!! I AM A REAL WITCH!!!!! :)
So, in celebration of this 'holiday', I found some fitting poems to share. I hope you enjoy them as much as I do!!

TRICK OR TREAT
When the little boys and girls
Knock at my door for candy
I must give them what they want
“Or else” is their modus operandi
So with a false smile I comply
But under my breath I pray
That by the time Christmas comes
They’ll all have tooth decay

ALL HALLOWS EVE
I hide behind the sofa quivering in fear
Now the witching hour is near
The curtains are drawn tight
And I’ve turned off the lights
The TV volume is way down low
I sit and cower in its feeble glow
Then comes the knock upon the door
And I curl up quivering on the floor
My heart is pounding my breath is shallow
My mouth is dry it’s hard to swallow
On all hallows eve I live in mortal dread
But not of monsters or the un-dead
The fear that turns my heart to stone
Is Trick or Treaters knowing I’m home

THE COSTUMED ARMY
by Paul Curtis

It’s here again
That day we all dread
When once more
We fear the rise of the dead

But fear not
Our salvation is at hand
We shall be saved
By an unlikely Band

So be assured
When the time is near
Ghosts and ghouls
Will all quake in fear

When night falls
All the undead will cower
Trembling in awe
Come the witching hour

As armed with sacks
Our great costumed army
Will roam the streets
To drive the evil spirits barmy

So to protect yourselves
Keep a proper payment handy
When the costumed army
Come knocking for some candy